hollowchild | IC Inbox

I already told you...I'll keep yours if you keep mine. [He peeks out from under his arm then.] We can try it.

[And again he just listens, piecing things together slowly.] No. It's far too stagnant for you, I imagine. Paradise is a bit too overrated.

That's a lot of it, yes. The longer I stayed, the more I began to get bored. And it's...well, I think you know what it is to get what you think you wanted and then find that it's not what you'd hoped. Something in me is broken, though, I think. So I started pushing. Myself, mostly. Train harder, run longer, shape more shadows, climb more buildings. But that only works so well for so long. For all of my manners, I'm not very civilized. What I wanted was a fight.

So I went out and picked one. Well, two. The first was with Connor, who wanted one at least as much as I did. Except I realized, when I hurt him, that I didn't really want to hurt him. And we stopped.

[The revelation doesn't surprise him in the slightest, barely makes him think twice about what's being said.] Being civilized is also a bit overrated. A lesson I learned about sixteen years too late.

He mutually decided he didn't want to hurt you either? What was the point of picking said fight then?

I did crack his ribs before we mutually came to any sort of realization. And we almost didn't. Stop, that is. It's more important than it seems. Neither of us would have, if it had been anyone else. It's a bit messed up, to really go after someone that you like, that way.

[her hand is still moving in his hair, alternately carding through it and twisting it around her fingers. there's a slight tremble in her fingers, but they're nothing less than gentle, never pulling]

But you're right, it didn't solve that problem for me. It did for him, it's a bit hard to do much of anything strenuous with cracked ribs.

[Why is that, he has to wonder. What is it with girls and his hair? His mother from an early age, then Pansy when they started dating, then Jade, and now this. It's not a real point though, but it's enough to get him to remove his arm from his face entirely.]

I wouldn't say that's entirely messed up. [But Draco's not an expert on healthy relationships.] I would imagine you laid him up quite good if you cracked all of his ribs. He must either really like you or be a complete masochist. Which is it?

[it's there and it's excellent for playing with, at the moment. it'd be his hand or the hem of his shirt or something else if not his hair. but also she finds it comforting when people pet her head, and transference is a beautiful thing]

No, it's pretty messed up. I didn't crack them all, though, just a few, and in fairness the fact that he'd fallen a few storeys shortly before helped them along. It wasn't my intent to disable him, not so soon. Not much of a fight, then.

He's not a masochist. Pain's not all that meaningful, but he's afraid of damaging himself, remember? And he got me to promise to stop, after the second fight.

[Fair enough.]

...all right, it's pretty messed up, but you have to remember my view of the world's perfectly skewed.

I know, I know, but I guess I just...all right, maybe I don't understand as well as I thought. So what, you two keep each other balanced and in check?

[she sighs, but it's more relief than anything else]

Your view probably counts as skewed, yes. But I like that about you. It makes things easier.

I suppose we keep each other balanced, yes. It was a bit more of him keeping me in check at first. I beat the worst of it out of me, and it's easier to keep a promise to someone else. Living with him means that I cook, which means I also remember to eat a bit, things like that. And I'm more or less level-headed about most things, you may have noticed, with that occasional exception. So it's not entirely unbalanced.

Likewise.

[...okay maybe it isn't that different. Now he's not sure.] I've noticed, and I never said you were completely unhinged, but it's just like...okay let me ask you this. Are you merely keeping a promise, or do you actually have...["Feelings for him, whatever the hell you'd call it."]

[she chuckles a bit at herself, shaking her head and facepalming for a moment]

Oh, no, I've been rather smitten with him from the very beginning. Possibly the other way around, too, in retrospect, although I definitely didn't realize it. I left that entirely out, didn't I? That fight that didn't entirely happen might have ended in kissing. And we'd actually come up with the idea of sharing an apartment long before either of us were admitting anything like 'feelings'.

[...oh.

And the look on his face is basically the metaphorical lightbulb flicking on above his head.

Oh that is not really a great sign.]

Somehow I thin you're the only girl I know who could turn a brawl into a snogging session. How could you possibly be oblivious to something like that?

[don't think she missed that, draco. but she's honoring the terms of their deal]

He started it. He's taller than you, and some of us can't fly. And it's not so difficult to miss when it had never crossed your mind that those sorts of things were even for you.

Fair point, though I'm failing to see what the hell is so romantic about beating each other to near death. ...and you're happy enough, I assume?

It wasn't the fighting, it was the stopping.

Mm, I'm happy with him.

Still.

Then...good. Suppose a bit of happiness wouldn't kill you, especially if nothing else has succeeded in that just yet.

No still about it. The next night someone who is my friend found me after I'd been training for a few hours and picked a fight, and I didn't stop. I fought him until I collapsed. He had to carry me home. That's what we stopped. Not exactly roses and candlelit nonsense, but I'm not much for that anyway.

And no, a little happiness probably won't be the end of me.

I'd judge you a little harder if I ever thought you were. That sounds far more accurate.

Probably. Just let me know if it decides to blow up in your face, all right? [He's got the answers he needs. Not necessarily the ones he wants but it's enough.]

That makes it sound like you're judging me harshly already, you know.

[her fingers tug his hair in a teasing reprimand before she goes back to petting again]

It seems that I'm telling you a great deal anyway, so yes, you're at the top of the list for that too.

Now, why did you want to know all that? I am very poor romance novel material, and I could practically see the gears in your head turning.

I judge everyone harshly for the most part. You're just a different level of harsh. [He swats at her hand lightly as she tugs, grinning ever-so-slightly as she fixes that.]

...I'm trying to understand how non-romantics successfully achieve romance in the first place, if you really must know. [Well, that's half his reasoning.]

Touched, I think.

[she purses her lips as though she's pouting at the swat, but it doesn't last at all once he smiles]

You did say you'd tell me, you know. The answer seems to be 'stumblingly, accidentally, and perhaps violently,' but I really hope that I'm not the baseline for such things. We probably would have figured it out eventually, though. Looking back, I was oblivious for a long time. I'm not sure if he was oblivious or just shy.

But you didn't seem very sure previously that there was any romance at all.

As you should be.

I know but I've absolutely no idea how to phrase anything, so let me just talk in circles for a bit until I get to a point. I wouldn't call you a direct baseline, but you're the closest thing I've got to a nonjudgmental standpoint. It could have very well been both. Sometimes men aren't the smartest even though they are about 85% of the time.

Romance and I have never really gotten on.

[she gives an amused little hum, shifting a bit to resettle herself in a different pretzel]

85%, is it? Talk all you like, Draco.

Somehow, that's not surprising. It's mostly silly.

Usually I would say that it's 90%. You're lucky I'm generous today.

...silly though it may be, have you noticed how much time and energy spend on such a thing?

I'm always grateful for your generosity.

Mm, it hasn't escaped me.

As you should be.

Why do you suppose that is?

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