hollowchild | IC Inbox

That's precisely why I'm honest with you. You get things that sometimes even Jade doesn't.

[But still.] I'll think about it. Normally I have absolutely no problem talking about myself, but I'm not sure she's going to like what I have to say, especially since she just recently decided she's not in love with Sollux. For all I know, she'll assume I'm not serious and I'm trying to get over Rapunzel. Girls are ridiculous creatures. See, Pansy was much easier to figure out because I didn't actually have to. I've known her since I was a child and she never really challenged me. This though...this is actually sort of terrifying? [And he laughs in a hollow sort of fashion.] Out of everything I've faced in my life, this is still one of the most terrifying concepts. It's hilarious.

We're not so unalike, in places.

You have no problem talking about what you've done. Not what you've felt. Nobody is comfortable baring their throat. And we're not any more ridiculous than boys, really.

Of course it's terrifying. It's always terrifying when someone else is holding something fragile of yours.

...wellll...I haven't exactly told her a lot about home. Just sort of the basics and even then, even now, I've shown her some of my personal journal and she's very well aware about other things but it's all just a giant mess. You're far more ridiculous than we are. At least we are fairly simple to figure out.

...something fragile? [He sort of understands, he thinks, but he's not sure. ~~And meanwhile his mun's busy reading that Connor and Sophie thread and just kind of dying.~~]

It might help some things make sense to her, but then again... [she shrugs a little] Depends on how much one takes from things, I suppose. And how am I more ridiculous?

Hearts are fragile. Hope is, too.

I'm not going to scar her with more than I have to. She has her own life and her friends' lives to worry about back home. And because girls are always a bit more indecisive and flighty and questionable.

I'm not really taking either of those into account.

Which is entirely fair, if you think she'll be scarred. But I'm going to flick your ear if you continue to call girls names. I am neither particularly indecisive nor flighty, and my questionable nature is not particularly related to my sex.

[she was teasing, but that makes her pause]

...do you actually believe that?

Ear-flicking isn't exactly a giant threat. But I suppose you're just the exception.

...my heart and hope aren't exactly factors I'm placing in this decision. [Mostly because he will run in the opposite direction.]

I can flick pretty hard. But I'm not that exceptional, really.

[she stares down at him, because something about that just twanged right in her chest, and she hurts a little for him. her words come out murmured, very quiet, obviously speaking to herself and not him]

That's why. Of course.

You're an oddity, but in a good way.

...[Yeah, he heard that.] That's why what?

You have an odd idea of flattery. [but that's okay, because she can actually handle it much better than the more normal sort]

That's why...a lot of things.

[her fingers leave his temples for a moment to push her hair back, which only leads to more hair falling over her shoulders. it makes her sigh, but she doesn't fix it]

The thing is, she already has it. And she's not going to un-have it, that's not how it works. So it comes down to either knowing, or not knowing.

That's how you know it's sincere.

...I think you've officially lost me. What are we talking about?

Exactly.

[she shakes her head a little. give her a second to try again with less metaphor. this is more difficult now that she's not just talking about him]

You're in love with her. So you've already given her your heart, proverbially. You can be honest with her about that or not, but she'll still have it, and you can say that you're not factoring that in, but it's still a fact. Which is why it's terrifying.

Partially. [He can't even argue that.] It's also mostly terrifying because it's a grand reminder of things that I have to do and the consequences they can have. [A throwback to sixth year, if you will.] I know I have to do it or certain things will happen. Bad things. But if I do, who's to say bad things won't happen anyway? I'm an expert at running away.

They might, but they also might not. And that's better odds than definitely will. Anything is better than definitely will.

[there, again, with the heartpunching]

Me too. But for things to change, you have to turn around and face it. You already know that, or you'd still be just as you were.

Again, must you be so logical? This isn't supposed to actually make sense.

I'm aware. But maybe I'm not ready to change that. Change, as I've found, leads to dangerous things. ...but perhaps I can see where she falls with this.

It's still a terrible character flaw.

If you weren't ready, then you wouldn't be struggling with it, you'd have dismissed it already.

To be honest, every time I think about having this discussion with her it just makes me sick. I wouldn't call that ready.

Some things just can't be approached with confidence. Not when they really matter.

You didn't say I was wrong.

About what? [Because feigning ignorance has worked so well for you so far, Draco.]

Do you really want me to answer that when you know very well, Draco?

Humor me.

You haven't said I'm wrong about most of what I said. But specifically I meant about your readiness.

...if I do this and this blows up in my face, I'm coming straight back here to blame you.

Around this time of day you should try my apartment or Sam's shop instead.

If this blows up in your face, I expect to hear about it immediately.

[she's serious]

Probably Sam's then. I'll have a few things to discuss with her later anyhow.

...you'll probably be the first to know in any case. And so long as I can gloat that I was right I'll be happy to share.

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