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[hollowchild]

Ah, hello. You've reached Sophie, but I must be in the midst of something. If you have a question about self-defense or Teachers' Council, leave a message letting me know what precisely you're interested in and I'll get back to you.

...everyone else, do as you do, I suppose.

Comments

[hollowchild]

I know that. You do not have to prove it to me, I am well aware. She is the one who seems to require proof. There are other kinds of proof.

You might be surprised about what I have talked to you about first. I still have not spoken to him about what happened in the nightmare you saw. He knows, but you are the only person I have ever spoken to about that at all. It is not that I think it unrealistic for you to tell her. I think it is unrealistic for either of you to expect that you will always talk to her first. Sometimes things happen that you did not plan. Sometimes you need to talk about things with someone else first, to figure out what to say and how.

That is her choice. Coming to you with things that happen now is not exactly the same as discussing one's past. It is not so much the things that happen in Asgard that are difficult for you to talk about, as I understand it. You could reciprocate that.

If she is not ready, then let it be for now. Are you ready?

[wasthemaster]

This all just loops back to having to try so hard to prove my point. It's troublesome, mostly.

...at all? Isn't that only because his father left so recently though and not just because I was there? Unrealistic though it may be, our entire relationship is sort of unrealistic if you think about it. It's mostly troublesome because my last relationship didn't have these sort of problems so I'm not entirely sure what I'm to do here. I don't talk about things with people. All of this is sort of new, and she's still getting used to actually being around people and not isolated on her own little island.

How could I reciprocate that?

Why's that a question as to whether I'm ready?

[hollowchild]

Perhaps. But you love her, so you will.

Yes, at all. At all without worrying about whether it will bring your world down around your head. And that is poor logic. I have never had any friends at all, Draco, much less people I trust, so I understand that things are strange. It may not be realistic, but that does not actually mean you should actively work to make it moreso, when the overall outcome is unlikely to be positive.

By doing the same? Things happen in the day that are not big dramatic secrets. If you wish to learn to be forthcoming, start small.

Because it takes at least two people to have sex.

[wasthemaster]

Perhaps.

You know, I think you're more upset about this than I am. What's that all about anyway?

I'm working on it. I'm working on it and it's a lot more difficult than I anticipated.

I'm aware of how sex works. That doesn't explain things though.

[hollowchild]

I do not doubt you.

Our perspectives differ, I expect.

Yes, I know. I was answering the question.

Does it not? Why would I assume your readiness? Do not even say because you are male.

[wasthemaster]

Do you trust me, yes or no?

. . .whatever. It's fine.

[hollowchild]

I trust you a great deal. Above almost everyone else. Part of that is trusting you will remain yourself, and part of that is knowing I care more for your wellbeing than you do, much as you care more for mine than I. It is not a condemnation.

[wasthemaster]

I care about my wellbeing enough. And I don't know how to remain myself because I'm trying to figure out who that really is. That's all.

[hollowchild]

[again, this response is long in coming. she's pretty sure she's lost]

Then I suppose I will simply have to trust you will make your compromises regarding it more carefully than you have before.

[wasthemaster]

...Sophie you're putting far, far too much trust into me.

[hollowchild]

What would you have me do when you have refused my concern, Draco? You questioned my trust and my judgment, and I can only give what you allow me to.

[wasthemaster]

I don't know. I don't really know what else I'm supposed to think or do or say in this sort of situation.

[hollowchild]

If you think that is too much trust, then perhaps the reasons for that are where you start. I can fight you for yourself, but if you pit me against Jade in your head there is no winning.

[wasthemaster]

What? You and Jade aren't exactly comparable.

[hollowchild]

For myriad reasons. That was part of my point.

[wasthemaster]

...I feel really stupid for not understanding all of this. I hope you know that.

[hollowchild]

You are not remotely stupid, Draco. This is about as far from the life you described to me as you have ever been. New territory does not even begin to cover it.

[and after a pause]

I could tell you why I do not like the idea. But I am not sure you want to hear. Read. Whichever. I have lost enough recently that I do not fancy putting myself into a losing position yet again.

[wasthemaster]

I'm half-asleep still, Soph. If you're concerned about me not wanting to hear and read things I wager now would be the best time to do it before my brain catches up with me in the first place.

[hollowchild]

I suppose there is that.

Jade is good for you in many ways. She is very obviously the most important person to you here. But as you have told me, there are things she does not understand, because they are almost impossible to really know without certain experiences. You have spent a lot of time trying to work things through in your head, and only gotten so far. Things have gotten better since you started talking more and running less.

What I see is how you talk, which is around in circles until you corner yourself or get cornered into the thing you actually wanted or needed to talk about. You just told me that you can only cover one serious topic at a time with Jade, which means your conversations have to be clear-cut and planned. That is not how you work with things you have not yet spoken of.

I have told you that you should talk to Jade about things, and I stand by that. But demanding to be first...she does not understand what it means. She is angry that I hurt you and let you be hurt, she envies our conversations, but she does not know the real cost of either of those things. I do not think you want to do that to or with her, either, which means you will stop talking, and things will fester, and you will lose ground. She will lose the person she loves, because you cannot fight everything inside you on your own. Nobody can.

[wasthemaster]

...I can't really deny any of those things, I suppose. All of it makes sense and all of it is, to an extent, true.

Obviously I do not want to do that. I can't afford to lose her but I have to figure out a better way to approach this. Whether that means I find a way to stop talking in circles or I keep my discussions with other people more discreet, something has to be done.

[hollowchild]

Perhaps the latter, working toward the former. Which is not me encouraging you to lie.

[wasthemaster]

Then what would you call it?

[hollowchild]

I think it is not the part where you say that you talked to me about something that is the problematic thing, it is the part where you cannot repeat it to her. Then it becomes a dangling carrot of trust and importance. Connor knows we spend time together, but I do not tell him what you tell me, because that is not mine to tell. It is not lying.

[wasthemaster]

...all right, all right. Give me time to think about it.

[hollowchild]

Do I ever not?