IC Inbox - closed

[hollowchild]

Ah, hello. You've reached Sophie, but I must be in the midst of something. If you have a question about self-defense or Teachers' Council, leave a message letting me know what precisely you're interested in and I'll get back to you.

...everyone else, do as you do, I suppose.

Comments

[wasthemaster]

...Sophie you're putting far, far too much trust into me.

[hollowchild]

What would you have me do when you have refused my concern, Draco? You questioned my trust and my judgment, and I can only give what you allow me to.

[wasthemaster]

I don't know. I don't really know what else I'm supposed to think or do or say in this sort of situation.

[hollowchild]

If you think that is too much trust, then perhaps the reasons for that are where you start. I can fight you for yourself, but if you pit me against Jade in your head there is no winning.

[wasthemaster]

What? You and Jade aren't exactly comparable.

[hollowchild]

For myriad reasons. That was part of my point.

[wasthemaster]

...I feel really stupid for not understanding all of this. I hope you know that.

[hollowchild]

You are not remotely stupid, Draco. This is about as far from the life you described to me as you have ever been. New territory does not even begin to cover it.

[and after a pause]

I could tell you why I do not like the idea. But I am not sure you want to hear. Read. Whichever. I have lost enough recently that I do not fancy putting myself into a losing position yet again.

[wasthemaster]

I'm half-asleep still, Soph. If you're concerned about me not wanting to hear and read things I wager now would be the best time to do it before my brain catches up with me in the first place.

[hollowchild]

I suppose there is that.

Jade is good for you in many ways. She is very obviously the most important person to you here. But as you have told me, there are things she does not understand, because they are almost impossible to really know without certain experiences. You have spent a lot of time trying to work things through in your head, and only gotten so far. Things have gotten better since you started talking more and running less.

What I see is how you talk, which is around in circles until you corner yourself or get cornered into the thing you actually wanted or needed to talk about. You just told me that you can only cover one serious topic at a time with Jade, which means your conversations have to be clear-cut and planned. That is not how you work with things you have not yet spoken of.

I have told you that you should talk to Jade about things, and I stand by that. But demanding to be first...she does not understand what it means. She is angry that I hurt you and let you be hurt, she envies our conversations, but she does not know the real cost of either of those things. I do not think you want to do that to or with her, either, which means you will stop talking, and things will fester, and you will lose ground. She will lose the person she loves, because you cannot fight everything inside you on your own. Nobody can.

[wasthemaster]

...I can't really deny any of those things, I suppose. All of it makes sense and all of it is, to an extent, true.

Obviously I do not want to do that. I can't afford to lose her but I have to figure out a better way to approach this. Whether that means I find a way to stop talking in circles or I keep my discussions with other people more discreet, something has to be done.

[hollowchild]

Perhaps the latter, working toward the former. Which is not me encouraging you to lie.

[wasthemaster]

Then what would you call it?

[hollowchild]

I think it is not the part where you say that you talked to me about something that is the problematic thing, it is the part where you cannot repeat it to her. Then it becomes a dangling carrot of trust and importance. Connor knows we spend time together, but I do not tell him what you tell me, because that is not mine to tell. It is not lying.

[wasthemaster]

...all right, all right. Give me time to think about it.

[hollowchild]

Do I ever not?

[wasthemaster]

No you are extraordinarily patient and I don't understand why or how.

[hollowchild]

It was a rhetorical question, you silly boy. I fight for what I care about, that is all. Sometimes the greater part of that is waiting.

[wasthemaster]

...I think I owe you a lot.

[hollowchild]

I do not think you owe me anything. I would rather be given freely than owed, in any case.

[wasthemaster]

...what's the difference?

[hollowchild]

One is an obligation, the other is a choice.

[wasthemaster]

I never bother owing people. They're kind of the same to me.

[hollowchild]

And yet you have said it to me several times, now.

Either way, I suppose.

[wasthemaster]

I'll figure out a way to make it up to you.